What Next?

I am back from the dead.. The grave's becoming uncomfortable.. so ill come and socialize again.. then i ll hit the burn-out phase (again!) and decide to hibernate!.. its becoming a cycle.. every time i tell myself its just a phase..
"Just a phase"!
That's what i am going to write about today. Today, i am going through a phase where i don't know what's next?
Let's simplify:
All my friends are either getting married/looking for suitors/debating with their parents OR still in college. So they are either in the 'gonna settle down soon' Phase.. or ''too carefree to give a damn" college phase.
As for me, well What next? too soon to settle and past the college days.. what next?

Either you are going to get a degree or get a brand new job/project/training.. Well i am done with my degrees (atleast for a long time now).. I have been in my job far too long (or so i have started to feel) to feel perky about it. Also, now again the question is- What Next?

When i was in college, i believed that once i am done, with all the qualifications i have, ill show the world what i really AM.. i felt i ll change the way the world operated.. i was not just a rebel.. i was righteous..I was preparing to conquer...I read all the Ayn Rands out there.. and thought life's gonna thrill me..
Well, i won't say that now i don't believe in myself.. but i feel like i have slowed down.. Whats the quantum leap now? Wasn't college the launching pad? I felt the jolt, i took off well, reached somewhere in mid-space.. still haven't landed..Question again- What next? Just keep fueling up and drift around with the winds?

I shopped and shopped the day i got my first salary.. i bought myself expensive gifts and took myself to the restaurants i wanted to try.. the second salary, i send at home and felt proud.. the third, well i saved a bit.. the fourth.. ummmmmm am i saving all my life? So i can.... so i can what? change the world with it?!
What next?

A man without a purpose is the the most depraved type of human being. I have the insight, do i have the purpose yet? What IS there to conquer? What did i gear up for?

I yearn for a change today.. but well, men struggle for security.. i am not old enough to want security.. am not young enough to march for a change.. What next?

Am i catastrophizing? or finally growing up?

Is this really a phase.. WHAT is "a phase?"

People always said i talked a lot..

Today, i am a psychologist.. I am LISTENING.. Tell me, wise ones- What next?

Bewildered,
Niharika